Lean on Me...

It's been awhile... 

There is never a perfect time for things to happen, but then there is God's time.

Lately, I have been struggling a lot with questions about the choices I've made and how it's impacted my relationship with Christ. Every time it seems like I get closer to finding out an answer to one of my questions, more questions seem to arise or things just seem to fall apart even more. These questions and struggles with God's calling for my life have become stronger over the last few weeks. Which only means He is at work doing something, but with what I have yet to figure it out... and did I mention that it's driving me CRAZY!?!?!!? However, that also means I need to continue to lean on Him and trust that He knows what He is doing. 

Today, in church and in prayer this morning, I was reminded of the profound impact Christ has on my life and yours. Basically... I wouldn't be here today without Him. With God I can't do anything, but with Him and through Him the impossible becomes possible! In all these questions and arguments I've been having with God, He is still in control. As I discovered this morning when reading Hebrews 12:2 that Jesus is the author or pioneer and perfecter of my faith. 

"...looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God."

--- Hebrews 12:2

He has already planned everything out for me, even before I was created the day He died for me on the cross. And yet for weeks I have sought answers to questions that almost are completely impossible in my eyes... and He also has the ability to make the impossible... possible. I am a planner. While I have learned to accept some spontaneous moments, I prefer to have things planned out. To know the details, when, where, and what time... even for a simple trip to the movies or the store. When I don't know what's going to happen or where I'm going I get very nervous. Through this journey I have really had to work hard to let go of the wheel of my life, hand over the pen, and let God take full control. It hasn't been an easy journey. There have been lots of moments of anxiety and questions galore... but at the same time there is a sense of peace in knowing that He's looking down on my with Love, wanting the best for me, planning the best for me... even things I cannot see. 

I know all things happen in His timing, I just wish it didn't take so long. And yet, all that He has promised me through His Word is alive and active.

"Indeed, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword."

--- Hebrews 4:12

Through it all, I feel Him calling me to be open. To trust in Him and to be willing and ready to take that next step when He calls. God has the power to soften even the hardest of hearts and turn water into wine... then He definitely has the power to answer my many questions. If He can do that He can to begin to open the doors of communication between me and the one He wills for me. Who, what, and when... well that still remains a mystery. As in all things through God. Everything remains in His hands and His timing. As Romans 8:12 says, " We know that all things work together for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." He is definitely calling me and opening my heart to ideas and doors I thought I had closed and locked three years ago; He has a way of tugging on those heart strings of ours until we willingly give in to His will. He lights fires in our hearts and calls us to question Him as a way of drawing closer to Him. While, I may not be who I once was... I am the person He is planning for and calling me to be. And maybe one day I will be like the wife in Proverbs 31... with His works and His plans. You never know! For now I have a few more fears and mountains to overcome, but God has definitely shown me that through His planning even the impossible can become possible. 

As the song Only a Mountain goes... "This is only a mountain. Just a little bit of faith can change it all!"