Growing up I always envisioned I would graduate from high school, go to a good college and obtain a degree in teaching (I never wanted a desk job and I loved kids), start my career, get married, and begin raising a family all by the age of 23 or so where I would then become a stay at home mom. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine things to turn out the way they did.
As a teenager I was never "boy crazy" about the latest and hottest movie stars or singers. It wasn't because my parents sheltered me from the media and music, but I just wasn't interested. In high school I my boyfriend and I meet at the beginning of my Sophomore year. We dated throughout high school and even attending college together. Towards the end of my Freshman year in college, we broke off our relationship because we were both going in separate directions and wanted separate things. In part, I believe some of it came from my difficulties adapting to really being away from home. Losing him was very difficult. We had been together for 5 years and I can definitely say I had envisioned that he would be the man I married. I mean what better story to tell than to say you married your high school sweetheart.
Not long after we broke up, I begin to become more involved in the Campus Ministry on campus. Through the Ministry I met one of my best, lifelong friend's Claire; as well as become more involved in my faith. It was really hard breaking up with my high school sweetheart after such a long time, I began to turn things over to Christ and offered up my life and even my love life to Him. I figured who would know best but Him. One night in February, while attending a talk the week Holy Grounds talk (we had speakers who would come into our local coffee shop and share various talks about the faith) I was suddenly filled with the Holy Spirit and greatly wanted to attend Adoration afterwards. To make a long story short, that night I ended up asking one of the guys from the Campus Ministry to attend Adoration with me. We drove an hr and half away to a church in Atlanta. Years later the night still remains a fresh memory in my mind. I remember both of us sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament and just prayed my heart out to the Lord. God's love and mercy in that room that night was so strong, you could feel His arms wrapping around each of us as we prayed. Needless to say, about 3 months later we began to date, became engaged 9 months after we started dating, and was married in December 2007... a year and ten months after he proposed. This was the life story I had been waiting for... this was the way things were supposed to work. God brought this man into my life. We would be together forever.... or so I thought.
Funny how we go through life planning everything out only to have it crash in front of us. I never would have thought a year and a half after getting married I would be signing my divorce papers to end the marriage. I had gotten married at the age of 21 and was divorced by the time I was 23. Through this time, not only had I worked to try to keep our marriage alive and intimate, I was also in the middle of my first year teaching, just beginning my career. I learned a lot through this experiance. That God is in complete control, even when the floor beneath you gives away, and that marriage takes two people to work on it. I knew marriage would be difficult and sacrifices would have to be made. I truly feel like, even though I had married a good Christian man, that we both lost sight of God in our marriage and I really think that hurt us when it came to growing closer as a married couple.
So with all that being said... why am I here today writing to you about Handing Over the Pen and allowing God to once again take control of my life? To be honest, it's not my will, but His. It has been 3 years since my divorce. Not only have I gone through having to completely uproot my life overnight, but I have had to overcome the thoughts and emotions with becoming another statistic in society. After all 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce these days, or so they say. Does that qualify me for being able to tell you about trusting in God and his grace? I don't know, but what I have learned is that we are blessed to have such a forgiving and loving Lord.
Psalm 32:1-2 states "Happy are those whose transgressions is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Happy are those to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit"
Jesus also goes on to talk about forgiveness in Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"
I have nothing to hide and nothing to prove. God has given me this life so that I may serve Him. Over the last three years I have gone out on a date or two. But for the most part, I accepted my life as God gave me. I have always wanted a family and children. Even though I am not married, there are many children out there who are looking for a loving place to call home. Which is why when the time presents itself I would like to adopt and/or foster children. In addition, just because I am single does not mean I needed to stop living my life. I have been provided many opportunities to continue my education and further my career. From obtaining a Master's degree in Educator to being apart of many wonderful professional development programs. Not to mention, God has allowed me to enjoy my season of singleness and focus entirely on experiencing life through Him.
But then about 2 months ago, I met a wonderful, godly youth minister from a nearby church. As our friendship grew, I began to pray that God would bring us closer together and that He would become the foundation of our relationship. I really wanted us to remain centered on Christ and His calling for us in our lives, both individually and as friends. Well, Christ certainly had other plans. I found myself being called by Christ to give everything up, including my friendship with this young man and follow Him. The more I studied scripture and prayed over God's calling, the more I longed to know Christ better. After all as he says in Matthew 18:19-20 "And he said to them, 'Follow me, and I will make you fish for people.' Immediately they left their nets and followed him". He goes on to mention in the story of The Rich Young Man "Jesus said to him, 'If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me'" Matthew 19:21.
That day, I surrendered my life and my love story to Christ and I have not looked back once. It has been over 2 weeks since that day and each day I find myself more in love with Christ than the day before. Everything I was looking for, everything I was praying about He already had waiting for me. All He needed was me to give my all to Him. In my search for building a God - Centered foundation, I realized that I needed to allow God to take full and ultimate control of my life. Something I never totally did in college, before meeting my husband. I have always wanted that perfect love story. I never knew I would find it waiting for me on the first day of summer, while drinking coffee on my back porch. Christ, my Lover, was waiting for me to join him that day. I have never been so happy before in my life. Happier than I was on my wedding day. For I have truly realized that in order to content with the events of my life (good or bad), I needed to surrender my will and heart to Him. For who knows the desires of my heart better than the one who created me and formed me in my mother's womb. He has great plans for me and I couldn't be happier with His story!
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