Happy New Year!!!

This evening, as I walked into church I saw the Advent wreath and candle lit at the foot of the altar.  I was reminded about the importance of keeping watch and staying alert. Tonight it dawned on me that this weekend marked the beginning of the Advent season and a new liturgical year. Had I not been so caught up in my own issues and the day-to-day events of life I would have realized the importance of this time of year, and the importance of having Faith. Each year it seems that the Advent and Christmas seasons sneak up faster and faster. As a result, this time of year brings laughter and joy, while for other’s it brings back memories of Christmas’ pasts, or memories of those who cannot be with us because they are blessed to share Christmas with Christ himself everyday.

           This week I had been so caught up in my own little world, with the worries of work and day-to-day life that I failed to stop and see all the wondrous things God had laid before me. Being so caught up in my own world I had shut myself out from the peace and answers He was trying to show me. Yes, sometimes things don’t always work out the way it was plan or how or when we plan it, but then again life would have been a lot different if I had previously stuck to the original plan. When I try to take matters into my own hands I find myself so consumed and unhappy with what I have accomplished, that I am never satisfied. Had I not awakened from my senses I would have missed the beginnings of a new friendship, conversations with my students, and birthday celebrations. For as Luke 21:34 states:"Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy." Which is why it is important for us not to become drowsy, but to take time out... even in the busiest moments of the day to recharge our batteries and have faith that there is nothing more (work, relationships, and the daily moments of life) that Christ can't handle. After all "Faith is a vital act; it commits one person to another forever...".

             No matter what the reason, the season of Advent and the season of Christmas are gentle reminders that Christmas is not about the worries, the wants, the money, the stress, and the presents. Instead, this season is a time to remind us that God is always with us; He is always present and constant in our lives, even when we aren't  No matter how much of our life we try to plan out, His plans are much greater than ours--- exceeding all my previous hopes and expectations. So, as this New Year begins I am going to make the resolution to do my best to keep the Faith--- through thick and thin. Yes, this past year wasn't everything I had hoped it would be. And while I wish I had a handsome earthly Prince to sweep me off my feet by now, there have been so many more blessings given to me by my heavenly prince that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't handed over the pen to Christ at the beginning of the year. To refuse Christ the opportunity to bless me in more ways than I could imagine, is like refusing a child to share in the spirit of Christmas. This past year I began the journey of becoming a foster parent, accomplished new challenges I had once ran away from, and rekindled my relationship with Christ and love. In the end, while things still didn't happen the way I planned, I have learned that it is important to remain vigilant and keep watch. For none of us know the hour or the time when God's blessings will bestow upon us. And if we fail to pay attention, we will miss out on the greatest gift of all. The Faith to believe there is something great, someone great out there for all of us... we just have to take a moment to slow down and listen. God will use our hearts to guide us where we need to be and show us what we need to do through His love and mercy for us!

Lean on Me...

It's been awhile... 

There is never a perfect time for things to happen, but then there is God's time.

Lately, I have been struggling a lot with questions about the choices I've made and how it's impacted my relationship with Christ. Every time it seems like I get closer to finding out an answer to one of my questions, more questions seem to arise or things just seem to fall apart even more. These questions and struggles with God's calling for my life have become stronger over the last few weeks. Which only means He is at work doing something, but with what I have yet to figure it out... and did I mention that it's driving me CRAZY!?!?!!? However, that also means I need to continue to lean on Him and trust that He knows what He is doing. 

Today, in church and in prayer this morning, I was reminded of the profound impact Christ has on my life and yours. Basically... I wouldn't be here today without Him. With God I can't do anything, but with Him and through Him the impossible becomes possible! In all these questions and arguments I've been having with God, He is still in control. As I discovered this morning when reading Hebrews 12:2 that Jesus is the author or pioneer and perfecter of my faith. 

"...looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God."

--- Hebrews 12:2

He has already planned everything out for me, even before I was created the day He died for me on the cross. And yet for weeks I have sought answers to questions that almost are completely impossible in my eyes... and He also has the ability to make the impossible... possible. I am a planner. While I have learned to accept some spontaneous moments, I prefer to have things planned out. To know the details, when, where, and what time... even for a simple trip to the movies or the store. When I don't know what's going to happen or where I'm going I get very nervous. Through this journey I have really had to work hard to let go of the wheel of my life, hand over the pen, and let God take full control. It hasn't been an easy journey. There have been lots of moments of anxiety and questions galore... but at the same time there is a sense of peace in knowing that He's looking down on my with Love, wanting the best for me, planning the best for me... even things I cannot see. 

I know all things happen in His timing, I just wish it didn't take so long. And yet, all that He has promised me through His Word is alive and active.

"Indeed, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword."

--- Hebrews 4:12

Through it all, I feel Him calling me to be open. To trust in Him and to be willing and ready to take that next step when He calls. God has the power to soften even the hardest of hearts and turn water into wine... then He definitely has the power to answer my many questions. If He can do that He can to begin to open the doors of communication between me and the one He wills for me. Who, what, and when... well that still remains a mystery. As in all things through God. Everything remains in His hands and His timing. As Romans 8:12 says, " We know that all things work together for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." He is definitely calling me and opening my heart to ideas and doors I thought I had closed and locked three years ago; He has a way of tugging on those heart strings of ours until we willingly give in to His will. He lights fires in our hearts and calls us to question Him as a way of drawing closer to Him. While, I may not be who I once was... I am the person He is planning for and calling me to be. And maybe one day I will be like the wife in Proverbs 31... with His works and His plans. You never know! For now I have a few more fears and mountains to overcome, but God has definitely shown me that through His planning even the impossible can become possible. 

As the song Only a Mountain goes... "This is only a mountain. Just a little bit of faith can change it all!"

Just Loaves and Fishes

How does Jesus feed you? This past week was definitely a time for reflection for me, as I was confronted with many unexpected issues. Over the weekend I found myself reflecting on the Bible story of the little boy who brought Jesus a small basket of barley bread and a few fish. I know many of us have heard the story of how Jesus turned a few fish and loaves of bread into enough food to feed thousands, with more left over to spare. But have you ever thought of what it meant for the little boy to hand over his possessions to Jesus, not knowing what Christ would do or if anything would become of his meal? Have you ever thought about what thoughts were going through this child's head, as he stood before the Messiah, feeling the pressure of the disciples around him to hand over his food? 

I'll admit, I never gave the little boy in this Gospel story a second thought, until now, but more importantly after hearing the sermon this past weekend. How frightened the little boy might have been when asked to hand over his meal to the disciples and Christ. When you think about it barley bread at this time was seen as bread a poor person would eat, and the fish in the boy's basket were small, nothing fancy. And yet, the boy chose to trust in Jesus, to hand over his basket knowing that everything would be okay. 

 "The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand, satisfying the desire of every living thing."

---Psalm 145:15-16

Something to also keep in mind about this Gospel passage, is that at this time of the day, Jesus and the apostles were returning from spreading the Word of God throughout the area. You can imagine how tired Jesus and the apostles were, and as the sun was setting I'm sure dinner was definitely on their mind. And yet, the crowds find them, drawing closer to them. Despite the persistence of the twelve to send the crowds somewhere else to lodge and eat for the night and prepare for the Passover, Jesus, without question, denies the request of the twelve and urges the apostles to find food for the crowd. 

"When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, 'This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.' Jesus said to them, 'They need not go away; you give them something to eat'."

--- Matthew 14:15-16

 So what does all of this have to do with me 2000+ years later. No matter where are, where we go, or what we do, the hand of the Lord will always be there to feed us. He answers all our needs. The little boy could have chosen not to hand over his basket of bread and fish, but instead he choose to help out even though he didn't quite understand how the Lord would remember him and answer his needs with all these other people around. At the beginning of the summer I was enlightened by God's Will for my life to hand over the few prized possessions I had and give everything I had to follow Him. Even in my relationships with others, where I felt He wanted me to be, I was guided to give it all up and follow Him, knowing in the end it would bring me much closer and much more dependent on the Lord.

I can't begin to put into words how much of a difference time and focus on Him this summer has greatly impacted me. I'll be honest, there were times when I fell, still times I do, and times I've made mistakes, but He was always there by my side to pick me up and guide me towards the will and the direction of my life. It hasn't been an easy journey. Nobody ever said it would be. However, reflecting on this time I find myself more patient than before, not getting as frustrated when things don't go "my" way, and open-minded to seeing how God can use people to change me and me to change others. And yes there were times when I was wondering where in the world I was going, because it really felt like nothing had changed. But now as I look back on it all, as I'm sure the young boy in this Gospel story did, Christ knows what we need, what He is doing, even if we can't see the changes happening overnight. For sometimes, even the smallest thing, can have the biggest impact on our life.  

"All your lessons cannot be learned with difficulty, and this was needed to teach you a lesson... So to attain peace quickly in your surroundings, as well as in your hearts, learn your lesson quickly."

--- God Calling Devotional

We should never lower our standards when it comes to trusting in God and fulfilling His Will for us in our lives. When I handed over the pen to Him to write my life's story, I knew there would be many lessons He would desire for me learn; all of these lessons with the mindset that they would be used to help prepare my heart for His love, Ministry, and purposes, all to give me the future he desires me to have. God called me to be obedient to him "just as Abraham 'believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.' Therefore know that only those who are of faith are sons of Abraham." (Galatians 3:6-7). There will always be those around us who will not be able to believe without seeing. For even in the Gospel story of Jesus feeding the thousands of people, you have the apostles who did not believe how far a few fish and loaves could go in feeding the thousands. And yet, there were exactly 12 baskets of food leftover, almost like doggie bags for each apostle to take home with him that night. John's Gospel account of this event, even goes on to say what the people began to think and do upon seeing the actions of Christ, "So they gathered them up, and from he fragments of the five barley loaves, left by those who had eaten, they filled twelve baskets. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, 'This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world'." (John 6:13-14). But before they could respond, Jesus, knowing they were coming for Him, left. It wasn't until the next day when the people found Him again, that He told them what the should be searching for. "Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For it is on him that God the Father has set his seal" (John 6:27). We can choose to live our whole life looking for signs to believe, as Thomas did, but in the end we need to learn that Jesus will also be the hand that feeds us, who answers all our needs; we need to believe in Him and His Will for us in our life without searching for the signs of what is to come. If we are always looking for the signs of what is to come, we will miss out on what He has laid before us in our path. For even in Christ's day there were people who saw Him, saw His signs and still did not believe. 

"It is written in the prophets, 'And they shall all be taught by God.' Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me. Not that anyone has seen the Father except the one who is from God; he has seen the Father. Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life."

---John 6:45-48

I had no idea all the plans Christ had in store for me over this past summer, nor do I know the plans He has in store for me for the future. I do know however, that He has taught me many things, and through these lessons He has helped me in so many ways by strengthen in my beliefs to trust in Him and His Will for my life. Who better to hand over the Pen to than Him. The changes did not happen over night, but just like the little boy, I have learned to fully place my trust in Jesus Christ. I can only begin to wonder what He has in store for the next chapter of my life! How far will the loaves and fishes continue to multiply with Him in charge? Who knows, but I cannot wait to see what His future and His Will for me holds! 

Guilty or Not Guilty... That is the Question

We all know the hour and time will come when we have to stand before Christ and atone for our sins. This past weekend, I think many of us were more reminded about how quickly Our Lord can call us home, even at the most unexpected times. The shootings in Auro, Colorado left many questioning why someone would let bad things happen to good people. Growing up I have always prayed for the protection of those I love dearly. Even going on car trips I always found myself saying a silent prayer that we would arrive safely and that the Lord would keep us safe from harm. But yet, even as I placed my trust and safety in the Lord's hands, deep down inside a part of me still knew that if the Lord saw fit to call me or one of my family members home that day, who was I to stop him? 


With all the stories and information coming out of Colorado,  I found myself reliving the life and stories of Mary Magdalene. Even my daily devotions seemed to relate back to stories of Mary's life. While some information is known about Mary's relationship of Jesus, much of it still remains a mystery to me. At a young age, Mary Magdalene appeared before Jesus while He was eating at a Pharisee's house, Simon. The story describes Mary not by name, but by the fact that she was a sinner. 

"And a woman in the city, who was a sinner, having learned that he was eating in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster jar of ointment. She stood behind him at his feet, weeping, and began to bathe his feet with her tears and to dry them with her hair. Then she continued kissing his feet and anointing them with the ointment." 

Luke 7: 37-38

At that time, the alabaster jar of ointment was considered an object of great value. Here was a woman, who took her greatest possession, broke it, and used the oil to anoint Jesus's feet. She was so overcome with love and compassion for this man and His Word. And yet, even though Luke describes her as a sinner, she did not let her fears or the thoughts what others might say about her actions stop her from kneeling before His feet and anointing them with the oil. Despite her sins, she took a risk, one that Jesus greatly rewarded her for, even if Simon did not agree. 

"You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little."

--- Luke 7:46-47

How great it is that if we truly atone for our sins, we can kneel before Christ's feet and be forgiven for our sins. If we truly believe in His Word and what He has done for us, our faith can save us from our sins. Even though He was perfect, He chose to take the guilty verdict for us. 

"The Lord has a plea against His people"

--- Micah 6:2

When God chose to die on the cross for our sins, He chose to plea for our case and sign the papers acknowledging our sins as His own, and give up His own life for us, just so we could be "Not Guilty". How great is His love for us. This reminds me of the song by Citizen Way "Should've Been Me". 

I've read the story
I've seen the movie
I give to charity
And tithe my ten percent
These I remember
But I so easily forget
All these years never heard it like this

It should've been me
It should've been us
Should've been there hanging on a cross
All of this shame
All of these scars
Should've been stains that were never washed
Why do I hide
Why do you try
Over and over and over again
I guess it just leaves saying thank God
It leaves me saying thank God, thank God
For the should've been

Christ did not have to do give His life for us. To take the verdict for us, and yet He did so freely and with such Love. Nor did He have to choose to forgive us or Mary of her sins. And yet, through all of this I love how God continues to ignite and show us that His love and actions, more than 2000 years ago, is all apart of a bigger plan. I'm sure those in the Pharisee's house had no idea of how far Christ would go for us in the days to come. And even after her sins had been forgiven, Mary continued to follow her heart, to follow Christ and offer her life up to Him. Her love and compassion was so great, that Jesus choose to be the first person to appear to Mary Magdalene when he rose from the dead. 


I think all of this should be a reminder for us to realize how we should act when promoted by Christ's love for those around us, friends, family members, even complete strangers. Regardless of how they treat us, their reputation, or the sins they have committed they are as much as worthy to knowing and receiving Christ's love as we are. Which is why it is our job to help share Christ with them in a loving and compassionate manner. I can only hope that I continue to be a model of Christ's love to others, with the courage to live my life like He did, using my love and offerings (both big and small) to help bring about His eternal plans for us. For when my time does come to stand before Him I hope and pray that I can say I have done well to make Him proud of me. For even though the temptation to sin will always be there, I hope that through my actions of love and mercy will outweigh the sins I've committed. But until that time, I also know how I choose to life my life and the decisions I make will greatly impact the guilty or not guilty verdict. What choices will you make? What will your verdict be? Will you be guilty or not guilty when you stand before the throne of Christ and atone for your sins? It is never too late to change for Him. All He wants is to love you and bring your closer to a life with Him. After all, His plea for us is to come closer to Him, rely on Him, and truly experience how much He loves us!!! 

Rolling With the Punches

Rolling with the punches... that's just how it has to be, today anyways! Sometimes I just have to learn to accept things the way they are, instead of fixing it or perfecting it, because eventually it may fix itself "maybe". So today is just one of those days where I am reminded of how things can quickly change, whether I like it or not. Oh and did I mention I learned all of this over the past few hours from my lawn mower!?!?! Yup!!! The good ol' Snapper Lawn Mower has taught me a life lesson. :)


I am a very independent person, naturally. I've always been told this growing up, and I guess it's because I had to learn how to do things on my own without an older brother or sister to show me the way. Yep! Being the oldest allowed me to cut the grass and blaze the trails of life for my younger brothers along the way. Needless to say being the oldest had its advantages growing up. I got to drive first, I got to ride the roller coasters at Six Flags first, etc., etc.,. Now as much as I love being the oldest there are times I wish I had, had someone to fall back on to ask questions or state my concerns about those "big" issues we all face during our adolescent years. Instead, I just had to jump feet first with it all and roll with it. 


Where I live, it is essential one takes good care of their yard every week: mowing, weeding, edging, pruning bushes, and so on. When I first moved in, I had to depend on my new neighbors to help me out because I did not have the necessary tools to complete these jobs. Now that I have been here awhile, I have slowly built up my lawn tools collection :). Having to rely on my neighbors caused me to become dependent on their needs and willingness to help me out. I'll never forget the first time I mowed my grass, I wanted all my neighbors to see I could finally do it myself. And while I greatly had appreciated their help, I didn't need any more. I was on my own. However, I was soon faced with the situation that I could not edge my yard just yet. One day I came home from a friend's house and found that my neighbor, trying to help, had edged part of my driveway without my permission. Well, this sent me into a furry. I got so frustrated I almost went out a bought myself an edger. After awhile, I calmed down, only then I realized that he knew my situation and was just trying to help me out while I was saving money to buy an edger. 


So anyways, back to today's event with the lawn mower. I have a good size yard to mow. The front isn't too hard, but the back yard takes some work. Having been neglected for so long, the back yard has a lot of stumps, rocks, and other outdoorsy things that have all become entwined within the grass. I had just about completed the whole yard when I ran over something mysterious (I blame it on a branch that fell out of a tree from a storm earlier in the week) and the lawn mower cut off. In my attempt to restart it, I realized the pull string would not budge (yes I get my exercise from mowing my lawn with a push mower). Upon further examination and discussions with my dad I realized the entire blade underneath was bent and basically my mower and I am out of commission until I get it fixed. Immediately, I began to think of what others would say when the grass grew to high. Because of my independence, I do not like to ask for help if I can do it myself. If I did, how can I prove that I am capable of fixing things? Of accomplishing tasks? It's times like this when I do wish I had someone to help me, who knew my strengths and weakness, and   could help take this matter into his own hands (I know girls are complicated enough- I like to be independent, but I don't always like to be in charge). Instead, I am now in the process of having to find a way to fix the mower. I do not have the right tools to accomplish the job, so I know I'll be adding to my toolbox this weekend. Yet, that still does not guarantee I can get the blade off by myself. If only I wasn't so blind and was paying better attention to what I was mowing... I could have prevented this and not be in this situation. Now, its a done deal and I just have to roll with it whether I like it or not. 


With all this said and done, I realized, while eating lunch and still reflecting on the mower incident, that when we choose to walk with Christ we still have to trust in him, even when we cannot see where He is leading us. Sometimes, that even  means taking us out of the elements we are comfortable with. For me it means I must rely on someone else helping me to fix my mower. We are at our weakest points when we are faced with a new surrounding or issue, and yet, these are the moments that we are able to grow the most in if we let Him. It is through His plans and His timing for us that He reveals and helps us accept and overcome our fears with being out of our elements. 


Paul even mentions this in his letter to the Colossians:

"I want their hearts to be encouraged and united in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God's mystery, that is,

 Christ himself."

---Colossians  2:3

In other words, Paul is stating that God is the fullness of all security and mystery we need and that He will meet our emotional and mental needs if we trust in Him. If we fail to trust in Him and rely on Him, how can we truly experience the glory He has in store for us. No one said this was going to be easy. Even Christ said we'd have to pick up our Cross and follow Him, even if that means stepping out into the unknown and just rolling with the punches. Because when we are out of our element... fully trusting in Him... then the blinders come off and we are able to fully see is Glory. Until then, He can speak and preform miracles in front of us, but if we never see His glory we will always be blind to His glory and deaf to what He wants to tell us. 

Even if I do not have someone to physically to turn too at this moment, I know I have many good friends and family who will help me, if I allow them. All I have to do is ask. Just like all I have to do with Him to open my eyes and my heart and ask for His help and guidance, even when things do not seem like they are going my way.  And through it all Christ will be with me, by my side, shining the light along the way. Who better to be there for me while I roll with the punches of life and the well the life of my lawn mower :). No one says God doesn't work in mysterious ways. I guess He wanted to remind me of who truly was in charge today! 

"For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, and I rejoice to see your morale and the firmness of your faith in Christ"

--- Colossians 2.5

21 Questions

I am human, there is no doubt about that. And while I do my best to stay optimistic (I like my glass 1/2 full) during my season of singleness, sometimes its hard not to feel frustrated and to begin to question God's plan for my life... wondering why everyone around me is happily married or starting a family and I'm not. If only I borrowed the pen from His hand for just a moment to change a few words here and there, to script  my own line or two of my story... but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

Anyways, I guess I should start from the beginning. It all started this afternoon when I was talking to one of my neighbors. I really have not meet this neighbor before, but he had ventured over onto my property and well... I was a little curious as to what he was up too. So I went out and we got to talking about this and that.     He is an older gentleman who definitely has a strong faith in Christ. Anyways, as we were conversing he asked me if I was married. And lately, this question has come up a lot over the summer in other various forms (i.e. Why don't you have a boyfriend? What about going out with so and so? Do you believe you'll ever get married again? etc). And while his question meant no harm, I was momentarily tempted to 1. change the subject and avoid the question all together and 2. lie and say I was married to avoid the next response I knew he would mention. You'll be happy to know that I did not follow through with either of the two choices and I took a stance and said "No I wasn't married". Which, as I predicted brought about the following 21 Questions that have seem to become almost routine: "Why not? How old are you? You really should be looking? etc., etc., etc.,". To be honest, this was not the kind of conversation where I would dive right into my full life's story, but I think sometimes when we ask a question and hear a different response than we expect we are tempted to help that person out. It's only natural. 

My neighbor did not know that I have in fact been previously married (something I mentioned when I first started writing this blog), nor did He know in my decision to give up dating until God decided to show me it was the right time for me. (How God plans to do this I still have no idea, but insane as you want to call me... I know it's the right decision for me). So needless to say, that conversation did leave me feeling a little down and frustrated, but I was tempted not to dwell on it. Yet,I also couldn't help taking a moment to ask Christ my 21 Questions: Why is this taking longer than planned? Are you even there? Is this really the lifestyle you want for me? etc., etc., etc.,. For if Christ asked me to give everything up and follow Him, than this was a time when I needed to remain obedient to His will and trust in Him... no matter how tempting that pen in His hand seemed to be. Because even if I were to lose everything tomorrow, I would still have Him and His love for me; that should be enough already. For that is really what it is all about in the end. Yes, as much as I do one day dream to have a house by the lake, with land, children running in the yard, and a husband to share the day's events and my dreams with (a dream I actually gave up on for 3 years, but more on that another time). In the end, God could choose to take all that away from me, like He did with Job, and all I am left with is my own life, faith, and trust in God. No, I am not wishing for God to put me through a series of tests and take everything away from me I've ever known, but maybe these questions are a way of Him to help me acknowledge and reaffirm my faith and trust in Him over everything I've surrendered to Him.

I was later reminded of today's events and my feelings when I was the Gospel of Luke Ch. 8, the story of Jairus, the leader of the synagogue, who had come to Jesus pleading to Him to heal His daughter. I know there are times when we all have become desperate about something in our lives and we just fall to our knees praying, begging Christ that if He answers our prayers we will do this promise or that promise. When their children are sick parents are willing to drop everything to help out their ill child. I truly believe that Christ wants us to come to Him at all times and to seek His help. When are are open, humble, and honest with Christ and how much we need Him, I truly believe He is accepting of our weakness. He knows that even at times like that Jairus went through, or yes even my willingness to fall and overthrow everything I've surrendered to Him, when we are willing to turn to Him as our last hope, to put all our faith in Him He will accept us with arms wide open. He will never leave our side, even if things go His way instead of ours. 

I was also reminded in the book of Sirach about our devotion and duties towards God. 

"You who fear the Lord, trust in him,

and your reward will not be lost. 

You who fear the Lord, hope for good things, 

for lasting joy and mercy....

Or has anyone called upon him and been neglected?

For the Lord is compassionate and merciful;

he forgives sins and saves in time of distress."

-- Sirach 2:8-9, 10c-11

Even when all hope does seem lost, when all that seems left is to grovel at the feet of our Savior, we need to continue to remain hopeful in Him and His plans for us. For He has greater things in store for us, beyond our wildest imaginations! He wants us to trust in Him and to call upon Him during times of praise, but also times of need. He will never abandoned us. Even if it felt like that while talking to my neighbor, I know God has not forgotten about me. He has great things planned for me. However, He also knows that there are times when I need a reminder that this time, this season of singleness, is being used to help prepare my heart and myself for that time, where yes, if He so desires He will bless me with a wonderful, earthly husband! So I guess instead of beating myself up, becoming obsessed, and wondering why everyone else around me seems to be blessed in the many ways I'm not, I should be thankful for the blessings I am given and for the wonderful gift to share my time and faith with those in need. 

"Those who fear the Lord do not disobey his words,

and those who love him keep his ways.

Those who fear the Lord, seek to please him, 

and those who love him are filled with his law.

Those who fear the Lord prepare their hearts, 

and humble themselves before him."

-- Sirach 2:15-17

For now, I guess I could say I am married to a wonderful carpenter, a prince who died for me on the cross at Calvary, who will protect me and guide me all the days of my life. Because in the end, He is the one I strive to live my life for day in and day out. 

Fools Rush In

I will be the first to admit that there have been times in my life, even recently, where even though I have given everything up to Christ and laid it all for Him to take care of, I have been overcome with doubts and a strong desire to take the pen out of His hand and starting writing my own story. As tempting as these moments are, and how vulnerable we are as humans, I have learned that at times like this is when I need to trust and lean on Him more than ever... and to stop, clear my mind, and pray!!! 


This morning I was reading the Book of the Song of Solomon and came across the song of Love's Dream...

Upon my bed at night

I sought him who my soul loves; 

I sought him, but he gave no answer.

"I will rise now and go about the city, 

in the streets and in the squares;

I will seek him whom my soul loves."

I sought him, but found him not.

The sentinels found me,

as they went about in the city.

"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"

Scarcely had I passed them,

when I found him whom my soul loves.

I held him, and wold not let him go

until I bought him into my mother's house,

and into the chamber of her that conceived me.

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, 

by the gazelles or the wild does:

do not stir up or awaken love

until it is ready!

--- Song of Solomon 3:1-5

It is only natural for us, as we end the day, and lay down at night to begin to fill our mind's thoughts with events and conversations from the day. I know there have been many times in my own life where I have found it hard to wind down and go to sleep for the night because I am replaying a conversation I had with another person-- wishing I had said this instead of that, etc. How easy it is for us, during that time, to become consumed by these thoughts, wondering if we said the right things, or made the right decisions. Thus, ultimately leading us to decide that whatever things we said or did that we did not like, or were not completely satisfied with the outcome that we would go about in the morning to correct it--- just like the person in Love's Dream attempted to do. 

There are times when we get so caught up in trying to catch the right one that we forget about all those around us, including our family and our relationship with Christ. We search high and low longing to find Him-- through the streets of the city and even within our own homes, never satisfied until we have him in our arms. Yet, at the same time Love's Dream can also signify how Christ is continually searching for us, waiting for us to come back to Him, to be wrapped up and held in His arms, as He brings us home to His church. 

If we were to continually go out, day after day, into the city searching for "the one" we would never be content and satisfied with ourselves and our lives as they already love. And then we do finally "catch" him, we become so focused on trying to keep him happy and please him, that we are willing to give up our own happiness just to have him in our life. Is this what it is supposed to be about? Is this how love is supposed to go? Are we supposed to do everything in our power to hold onto someone, to force them to love us just so we won't be alone? I'll be honest, I've been on this side before, and I've realized the hard way that we should never be content in one person and only that person. In order to be satisfied and happy we need to be content with ourselves by living a life in and with Christ. 

I especially loved the last verse in Love's Dream because it still remains true today, even though it was written thousands of years ago...

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,

by the gazelles or the wild does:

do not stir up or awaken love

until it is ready!

-- Song of Solomon 3:5

When I handed over the pen to Christ to write my story, I handed it over to Him to write about family, work, love, sadness, happiness, and much more. Choosing to give Christ the pen to my life did not mean that I could pick and choose what parts of my life to give Him... no I had to give Him everything. We cannot force or manipulate Christ into jumping ahead of His plan for us, whatever that may be. Just like we cannot force someone to fall in love with us (sorry this isn't Hollywood). When Christ is ready, if it is His plan, He awaken the desire to love on His timing. Until then, it really doesn't do me any good to go out there searching for Him. Which, is why it is important that we do not let our emotion get the best of Him. No matter where I am or what I am doing, when Christ is ready to awaken my Love Story He will send him to me if that is His desire. 

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."

--Proverbs 18:22

But at the same time I have also come to understand that as quickly as Christ allows Him to enter into my life, He can also call him home to Heaven to be with Him. 

When we allow our emotions to overcome us, we take the pen out of His hand, but the reality is if we are to live our life in Christ then we need to fully trust Him in every area and in every thing. And if that "someone special" who we have our wondering eyes on is not the one--- than Christ has someone even better in store for us. Someone who will not cause us to compromise our faith, beliefs, time with our family, etc. Someone who is willing to build up a friendship that is steadfast in Christ's love for them individually and for those they care about. Until then, yes we must wait (but that does not mean sitting around the house all day until "the one" comes knocking at our door). No we need to understand that God is calling us to use this time, this season of singleness, to prepare ourselves for the future, to serve Him in ways we wouldn't be able to if we had a family to care for, and to live a life content and happy in Him. So maybe now is the time to answer that call to go back to school, to get involved in the church, to visit the sick, or serve as a missionary proclaiming the God's Word. Knowing that through it all, when the time is right and His Will desires it, He will bring that "someone special" into our lives no matter where we are. For now, we need to use our gifts to answer His calling for us in our lives and to learn to become fully content and happy in Him. Instead of acting like a fool rushing into love. 

You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord!

He is their help and their shield.

The Lord has been mindful of us; he will bless us

--Psalm 115:11-12

A Calling From God

 I Corinthians 12:7 (NLT), "A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other." 


I'm sure many of you have heard from a family member, pastor, or youth minister, at one time in your life or another, that all of us are called to serve Christ through the special gifts God has given to you to share with others. And I'm sure at that same time you were thinking quietly in your mind... ya I'm sure I do, I know He is calling me to make something of myself and live a life fully in Him, but I have no idea what that could be. I remember sitting there thinking, what in the world would I use with the gift I was given, where am I being called to go, and what exactly would I do when I got there with this gift from God. I mean I wasn't born with superpowers, I didn't really have any special musical talents, singing was out of the question (unless you wanted to see the widows in the sanctuary break), and well don't posses any other so called talents that would set me apart from anyone else without sticking out like a soar thumb. And well, God doesn't exactly pass out an instructional manual with each of us as we begin to discern our calling... or does He?  


Over the years, I have come to realize that our gift(s) from God do not have to be marked with a special pen or highlighted on the back of our clothes. If I had not been so engrossed in  trying to figure out what my talent was, I would have realized that God had already provided me with the gifts I needed to serve Him. Christ has already given me the materials and means to use my gifts for Him, I just had to put it all into practice. This made me realize that these gifts we are given are not always easily noticed among our brothers and sisters, but they do exist. For example, the gifts we are given could be something as opening up our home to a weekly prayer meeting, playing music, or maybe it is the gift of taking the lead and helping others to initiate the start of something new. God wants us to use our gifts to help one another and lead each other closer to a life with Christ. For, by praying to Him and reading His Word, we can all discern where Christ is calling on us to go and what He wants us to use our gifts for. We just have to take the time to stop getting caught up in the hectic events of life, pause, pray, reflect, and listen to Him and His calling for us. 


In other words, as David Haas writes in his song We Are Called, as Christians and members of the faith it is our duty to our brothers and sisters and to Him. For all of us, no matter what are gifts are are called to "act with justice, to love tenderly, to serve one another, and to walk humbly with God". As young woman in Christ we have all been called to live a life through Him. One of the precious gifts about woman, is their willingness and compassion to help others. When we open our heart up to Christ, and connect with Him, we are beginning a new adventure. God call us to draw closer to Him; therefore why should we embark on one of the most exciting experiences we will ever have. 


Answering God's call is not always easy, but if we are obedient to Him, even when it seems as all is lost, and we are the only one walking along the path, we must trust in Him. I'll be honest there are times when I wish I could just pick up the phone or open up an email and find directions for God's calling in my own life. He wants to take us on a wonderful, enlightening adventure if we let Him, an adventure that will help us gain a better understanding on the life's calling He has determined for us. Jeremiah 1:5 states, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you". So even if you have no idea what your calling is or how Christ wants you to use your gifts, He already knows. As our Creator, He knows each one of us (inside and out); and if we are really willing to take the time to listen (for more than a day), while reading the instructional manual (the Bible) He left us... We will come to know and discover our life's calling. 


Just imagine what would have happened if Samuel never answered God's calling or other biblical figures in the Bible. 

Calling people is a vital part of God’s work in the world. 

There are many different biblical examples of call which show many possibilities.   

• It may be a call to leadership, as in the case of Moses.  
• It may be a promise of protection regarding her descendants , as in the case of the slave 
• women Hagar.  
• It may be a prophesy of things to come, as in the case of the boy Samuel.   
• It may be a call to missionary proclamation, as it came to the unwilling prophet Jonah.   
• It may be an invitation to motherhood, as in the case of the young virgin Mary.   
• It may be a call to disciplemaking, as it came to Peter and Andrew, James and John from 
  Jesus.   
• It may be a call to conversion, as it came to Saul on the road to Damascus

Christ will always be there for us. However, we need to make sure that we are listening to Him and not our own earthly desires. My decision to put off this Ministry to meet my needs, only lead to God's calling growing stronger within me, almost to the point where it overtook any earthly desires I had for myself. I still have no idea where this Ministry will go, but I know that if I am obedient to His will, He will take use my gifts to inspire others. I think this is best said in Paul's letter to the Romans, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). God has called all of us to do great things. Even if we cannot see it right away, our calling aligns with his purpose for Him and our desire to grow in his Love. Ladies, we are all predestined to accomplish great things during our lifetime.... So where is God's Calling leading you?    

We All Have Our Time

The other night while driving home from a friend's house, late at night, I heard the following song on the radio, that just made me stop and think. The song was Good to be Alive by Jason Gray. Basically the song is about how blessed we are to be given the gift of life and to be able to use the time that we have been giving to serve others in Christ and living our life through Him to the fullest. The other night was the first time I had heard this song played and it stuck with me, because in all sincerity and truthfulness as I have mentioned before, my life is not mine to live. 


Jason Gray points this out in his lyrics stating:
I wanna live like there's no tomorrow
Love like I'm on borrowed time
It's good to be alive, yeah

Hold on
If the life that we've been given
Is made beautiful in the living
And the joy that we get brings joy to the heart of the giver
Then right here, right now
This is the song I'm singing out


I'll be honest and the first to admit that I am not one who really likes to think about death and all the sadness that comes with it. Even though I live with hope that when I do die, I will leave behind a legacy that shows others how much I cared for and loved Christ. I can only imagine what the day will be like when I do see His face and walk by His side. As easily as God put us on this earth, He can easily take us off. (Even if my mother also claims to be able to do the same thing :) ha ha). But when you really stop and think about it, we do live on borrowed time. I heard  Charles Stanley mention on a radio talk show the other night that there is a predetermined time that God has already set aside for when He is ready to call us home. For some of us that will be years from now when we are 93 or for others that could be tomorrow when we are only 19. Yet, it's very true. God has put us here on this earth to do His ministry and once we have fulfilled our obligation to Him, He has the right to call us back to Heaven to live for all eternity with Him. 


As a servant of the Lord, I know that it is vital for me to open up my mind and heart to Christ, so that I can awaken myself and listen to His full potential for me. For I don't know when He will call me home, but I do know that I need to use the time I have been given to serve Him through this Ministry and my season of singleness. I will admit there are times, even this week, when I have wondered if he was right in trusting me with this task. But at the same time, I am only hurting myself and others when I underestimate myself and minimize my talents in accomplishing tasks that I am fully capable of carrying out through Christ's Will. Therefore, I need to realize that worrying and doubting are not going to help me; instead I need to consciously lay down my doubts, fears, and worries, on His altar... while opening up my mind and heart to all that He has in store for me, His love, and everlasting support. By giving it all to Him, Christ fills me with confidence that I can do all things through Him, as well as begin to trust myself. 


For no matter how long our life is or if we have days, weeks, months, or years left to live. It is important, as young woman set-apart in Christ that we live it for Him. Even though we do not have that "special someone" on earth to share our dreams and desires with, we do have Him and our brothers and sisters in Christ who will love and support us along the way. Thus this is why I am truly grateful to be who I am in and in this season of singleness Christ has given me. It has truly allowed me to become awaken to a new life and Ministry that is leading me to serve Him and others through His name. One can truly accomplish a lot through the powers of Christ within them. A woman's decision to live a set-apart life from others and in Christ, highlights their decision to live a life no longer of their own, but of Christ's. Being called my Jesus to serve Him is one of the highest and noblest gifts I truly feel any woman or man could yearn to receive. For John's Gospel says, "but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. Rise, let us be on our way" --- John 14:31.


It is through Him that I strive to not live my life just going through the motions, but to use my time and energy to give Christ everything in the time that He has given me to serve Him on this earth. I do my best to live my life without regrets, but to Live like He lived for me and use the opportunities He has given me to live a life through Him, thanking Him for all the moments He gives me (good and bad), hoping that when I am called home to Heaven, I have lived a life worthy of the love Jesus gave me when He died on the cross. 


Dear Lord, 


Thank you for the life you  have given me. Help me to keep my eyes on you and to be obedient to your will. I pray that you will show me how to better serve you through this Ministry and that you will continue to support me each step of the way. You have called me to begin this Ministry to help other young woman learn to be set apart from others, and live a life through you. Help me to share your word and serve you in a way that brings you honor and glory. For you are holy and wonderful, I love and praise your most wonderful name! Amen. 

Love, Heather

The Perfect Life

No, this isn't a Hollywood movie or the makings of a Nickolas Sparks book, but the essence of it is just like it states in the title.... I have the perfect life!


Yes, you heard me... I said my life is PERFECT! If you were to look up the definition of perfect you would find something similar to this:

per·fect

   [adj., n. pur-fikt; v. per-fekt]

adjective

1.

conforming absolutely to the description or definition of anideal type: a perfect sphere; a perfect gentleman.

2.

excellent or complete beyond practical or theoreticalimprovement: There is no perfect legal code. The proportions ofthis temple are almost perfect.

3.

exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certainpurpose: a perfect actor to play Mr. Micawber; a perfect saw for cutting out keyholes. 


When I think of the PERFECT life I don't think of Hollywood's version of boy meets girl, boy and girl fall and love, boy and girl get married, boy carries girl off into the sunset. No instead, I give the claim that my life is truly perfect because of someone better.... someone who is willing to give it all up for me, even die for me. And because I have chosen to have him in my life, he has risen in from battle like a knight in shining armor ready to sweep me off my feet. He has truly made my life perfect... He is Jesus Christ.


With Him I have realized that all things are possible, even the inevitable. I promise you, that just because I have the perfect life, does not mean everything is always perfect. Yes, I am very blessed to have a loving and supporting family and group of friends who are willing to help bring me a new bed or store my "priceless possessions" until I'm ready to go through them. But at the same time, my family and I still have our moments. I still get annoyed with my parents from time to time, or frustrated with my mom for her requests to come home and go through boxes (the same ones I swear I've already gone through six months before). And yes, I am human, I do make mistakes, but when I fall down, I am blessed to be able to lean on Him to help me pick myself right back up. In addition, I too am guilty for wanting to hurry things along, do things my own way and in my time, and doubt myself- and even sometimes him. However, it is through these moments and these times when I come to realize that I need too lean on Him more, and allow Him to support me and trust in His desires, while laying down my selfish attitude and behaviors at His feet. 


Having the Perfect Life, means trusting fully in Him and relying in Christ to take care of all my needs and desires. Which means, not worry about tomorrow, how much money is owed on the credit card bill, or what grade level I will be teaching next year. Or having to endure the loss of a loved one or friend far beyond their time. Or wondering why some people always seem to be blessed with better opportunities than you. Yes, I am single, and yes sometimes I wish I had someone special, on earth, to share this Ministry with... but in the end, nothing can beat living my life through Christ, with Him loving me, guiding me, willing to do anything for me. My decision a month ago to fully change the direction of my life to live for Him instead of for me, has been one of the best decisions I have made. He was willing to lay His life down for me, to pursue me, and live for me. Who could ask for a better life's story and love story than this. Isn't that what the perfect life is. Living and serving for Him and the needs of His children is one of the greatest gifts and experiences I could ask for. I do not know how far this blog will go or if it will make a difference, but being able to make the difference to one person is a far greater gift than any amount of money could bring. 


I think Tuesday's devotion says it best: "As divine order takes hold in my mind, disturbing thoughts are stilled, and their disruptive influence in my life and environment ceases. Peace permeates my heart, understanding fills my thoughts, and harmony infuses my relationships"


There is nothing more I need or want. He provides me with food, shelter, and clothing. Though Christ I can do anything, but I must be will to continually lay it all down to Him and trust in His will for my life. I will also be the first to admit that having, and holding onto, the perfect life does require continued patience and perseverance in faith. My life came with the price... the price of Christ's death on the cross..Which is why I know it is important that I strive to work with Him to build our relationship, taking quiet time each day to spend with Him and listen to Him. 


For as Psalm 16:11 states: "You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore."


Building up any relationship takes time and work. But with Him, in my life, everything is wonderful and perfect!

Dealing with Snakes

Okay, so I'll be honest this wasn't what I was planning on writing about today, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how big of an issue this can become if we don't do something to combat it. 

The snakes I am talking about are not the real snakes you find slithering in and out of the garden, but actually those negative thoughts you find creeping slowing from the back of you mind, trying to convince your mind, heart, and soul that what you are doing really isn't for the better good of yourself or others. 

Author Elisabeth Elliot exclaims, "I'm afraid the snake has been talking to [many of us]. He's been sneaking up and whispering, 'God is stingy. He dangles that beautiful fruit called marriage before your eyes and won't let you have it. He refuses you the only thing you need for deep personal growth, the one thing in all the world that would solve all your problems and make you really happy.'"


Being single is a wonderful gift. God has designated this part of my life, and yours to be used for something great, something of His power! Just because I am single does not mean I have to put my life on hold or stop what I want to do because I don't have a spouse to do it with me. Instead, this season of singleness allows me to take on new responsibilities and explore new gifts without having to compromise time with a spouse and family. Thus, the time and energy I could spend trying to find Mr. Right, is actually being used to help serve God and others. By becoming centered on the needs of others, I am to use the gifts He has given me to serve Him without distractions. Paul clarifies this position in 1st Corinthians. He states: "However, that may be, let each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God called you... In whatever condition you were called, brothers and sisters, there remain with God" (7:17, 24). Christ has called all of us to do great things with our lives. When we choose to give into temptation and to let the snakes in our powers of greatness greatly diminishes. 


Thus, what happened to me this morning. As I was waking up and getting ready for the day, a sudden thought entered my mind, a thought that could only come from a snake. I am not proud to admit that I thought of such a thing, but my ability to quickly realize this thought was not from God, but from a greater force trying to tempt me to stop following my decisions to Hand over the Pen and let God have full control of my life. So anyways, to make a long story short I woke up this morning to the thoughts of "It will be  years before you see the benefits of my work", "What if you have to wait two more years until I bring someone special into your life", "What if this became you profession, not teaching", "You could give this up and leave it all behind now, and try to find love on your own without my help". Nevertheless, if you have ever experienced doubts similar to this, you know how detrimental they can be to one's self-esteem. I could of easily given into these thoughts and feelings, especially the idea that writing this blog is worthless and that I could take control of my own life story and even love story. But by giving in to these temptations and negative feelings I would be choosing to go against the Will of one of the greatest author's of all time.... Jesus Christ. Not to mention, I would be choosing to live my life through my own selfish desires and not His. As a single woman, I have chosen to live my life for Christ. Yes, it's true I have been given free will, and yes there have been times I have fallen. But at the same time I have also realized the greatness of His power and my decision to live out my life according to Him... no matter where that take me or what I end up doing. One of my faults is that I do like to plan ahead and have a familiar idea about what will happen. I would be lying if I wasn't a little apprehensive, at times, about trusting in God's will and where He will take me in this decision to give my All to Him. Yet, at the same time I know he will never give me more than I can handle and the blessings and rewards for serving Him in this Ministry He has given me, will be far more rewarding than anything I could ever accomplish on my own. 


For Paul writes, "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the Lord" (I Corinthians 7:32-35).

Therefore, as I mentioned earlier, the realization that these snakelike thoughts were not of my own will or His, I quickly found myself laying these doubts and feelings on God's alter praying that He would rid me from these temptations and deliver me from evil. God does not call us to live our life around our own desires and material things. Instead, He wants us to build our lives around the pursuit of His kingdom, pouring out our heart and sacrifices from Him. For no matter where we are or what snakelike thoughts enter our minds, we are never alone. 


The journey I have chosen is not an easy one. And while I wish I knew where the future would lead me or when I would meet Him, the excitement and anticipation makes it worth the wait. And as I wait, I am able to spend my days, weeks, months, and yes years if He desires being freer than I would if I was married, to give me life to those who are in need of Christ's love. My morning devotion stated "You have entered now upon a mountain climb. Steep steps lead upward, but your power to help others will be truly marvelous" (How great and power a statement to read after having just dealt with Satan's temptations). By praying to God and giving into His word and actions allows and leads me even, to Loving and Trusting in him more and more. For when we do not allow unkind thoughts to dwell in our hearts, God is able to act freely upon our lives and others through his Spirit... with nothing there to hinder all of His wondrous possibilities.